Category: Chahna says..

I cannot do Negative Vibes!

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says..

Do you feel under constant pressure to be positive?

There are a lot of people talking a lot about staying positive, staying motivated, being productive, and what not. But do you think we are over-thinking? Why can’t we focus on being, just being. It is normal to be stressed, normal to be not elated in every single moment. Just normalizing and accepting ourselves for who we are can drive away a lot of stress too.

As I scroll my social media, I read positive quotes. I read inspirational and motivational quotes. I see inspirational videos. A recent video of about a 5 year old girl made me think. She was talking to herself, “I cannot do negative vibes, positive vibes (only)” in a very adorable manner. At first, it made me smile but then it occurred to me, why are we pulling kids at such a young age into all this charade. What are we teaching our kids? Are we teaching them to ignore negative vibes and focus on positive only? Then, we are really teaching them to live only half life. Because like coin, life has two sides, and one doesn’t come without the other. I wouldn’t want my child to know at such a young age about positive or negative vibe. Vibe is a vibe.

Instead, I would teach my kid to recognize and differentiate between vibes and teach them manage all types of vibes.

Do you know how science defines light? Absence of darkness. So, if the concept of darkness vanishes, the purpose of light loses its value. Do you see the correlation?

By focusing too much on what we don’t want, that’s what we end up getting. Then, we see people on social media who are going through a so-called “high” phase, we feel jealous and blame social media to be the source of our depression. We constantly unknowingly compare ourselves to others and put ourselves in this race of being positive.

Are we not putting lot of expectations on ourselves? We cannot be climbing mountains every day. We cannot have a flawless relationship. We cannot have a flawless self.

Why can’t we just be “us” and flow…

©️ himalayaswithin

Walk in the Woods

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says.., Explore

Destination: Self! 

If you have been following my blog, you’d know that it started as an excursion experience sharing blog. I would pick a trail from Surrey or Hampshire council website and would set off. However, over time it evolved, and I started sharing experiences from other aspects of life. Hiking experience changed over the last few years for me after I had my child. It had been a while since I had been in the woods on my own, when I received news from internal Philips communication channel that Philips had joined hands with Chiltern Charity Run to support a mental health charity called Mind.

Mental health is something that has been my focus for the last couple of years. I have learned to recognise that mental health needs as much conscious attention as we pay to our physical health. Both are interlinked in some way but they both need to be addressed individually to achieve an overall balanced fitness. As I develop deeper understanding, I realise there are several layers to mental health and that there are lots of taboos attached too. We take our mental fitness too much for granted and tend to turn a blind eye subconsciously.

Chiltern charity event was the perfect amalgamation of my evergreen hobby and my recently revealed truth. I grabbed the opportunity and chose for the 10k run (or walk) in an endeavour to find peace amongst the woods as well as support the cause for my belief.

Two of my lovely friends decided to join me in this adventure who were as unsure as me if we’d make it. Not worrying about the result, the trio embarked upon the journey catching up after a long time. We talked about our work, fitness, work life balance, challenges and touched upon mental health aspect of our lives. One of the girls is a practicing GP who shared some very interesting but eye-opening insights into mental wellbeing.

The hike was amid woods close to Henley on Thames. Henley is a beautiful town on the river Thames in Oxfordshire. The weather was kind to us on the day – not too hot, nor too cold. The calmness of woods began having an impact on us soon after we started. We took a break at about 4.7kms for about 10 mins and had some snacks. That break helped me cross the line of being too conscious about my walk and being able to surrender myself to nature.

Soon after we resumed, I left my friends behind, not on purpose, just the terrain and a bit of consistent speed. I crossed a few people who were ahead of me and shortly I found myself alone in the walk. That put me in the space where I could connect with myself through nature. I kept pausing every so often to take in the scenery and to allow myself to absorb into the moment. Without realising, the charity’s purpose of mental health was being fulfilled. My mind was unwinding, and life’s purpose was becoming clearer.

The final patch of the walk, approximately last 3 kms, were complete wonderous for me. There was no one I could see in front of me or behind me. There was open ground on side and dense woods on the other. This patch had concrete road to walk on, unlike the rest of the hike which was mostly off-road and woody. During this time, there was one moment where I could simply let go of everything, including myself and be totally tuned in with the universe.

As I came nearer to the final turn, crossing which I would be back into real world, I turned around and kissed the woods good-bye, making a promise to myself to visit them soon.

I thank Chiltern Charity and Philips for giving me this excellent opportunity and to enable me to disconnect.

Written by: Chahna D

Edited by: Milauni T

DO YOU GET 24 HOURS EVERY DAY?

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says..

Long time ago, a friend of mine asked me, if I also get 24 hours a day like everyone else?

There has been something going on in my head since a few days but have not been able to put a finger to it. Driving this morning to work, a thought triggered, and it took me back to the moment, few years ago, when my friend was amazed with how much I can do in 24 hours.

I was thinking about how will I manage if get into a role that has more responsibilities than I have now? Will I be able to do justice to my family in terms of my time and responsibilities? Will I be able to do justice to myself? Will it affect my physical and mental health? All these questions led to me to think that, hey, my life has changed a lot in the past few years, but I still have never compromised on things I like to do. Writing, for example! Agreed, I have had to put my interests away for a bit now and then, but I have always managed to find my way back. How?

This “How?” led me to understand about intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is that you do things only when you have to or are driven by external motivator. For example, going to yoga class because your friend goes – which is fine – question is what do you do when your friend skips the class? Do you skip as well? Or do you work hard because you want to do better than your colleague and seize that promotion?

Extrinsically motivated individuals will always need a reason to do something. But what happens when that external motivator is taken away? They lose purpose. Intrinsically motivated individuals, on the other hand, do not need any external driver to do something. They find time for what they think is important for them. They have a force within them that drives them.

Internally motivated people do things they enjoy for themselves. Yes, they enjoy company, but at the same time, being a loner doesn’t scare them. They constantly find ways to pursue their interests no matter the odds.

So, let’s take this opportunity to introspect and try to understand ourselves better. In MBA, I had learned about Stephen Covey’s time management matrix which I would like to modify a bit for us here. The more we try to focus on Quadrant 4, we will feel more peaceful and happier in life. We generally tend to get caught up in activities within quadrants 1 to 3 and always push behind the activities in quadrant 4.

The paramount question is how to focus on quadrant 4 when we have so much going on? Job, kids, families, commitments, it’s maddening. So, here I have tried to put down some pointers that might help you.

  1. List the activities in your daily routine that fall under quadrants 1 to 3
  2. How much of your time do they take away?
  3. Do these activities require to be done by you? Can anyone else do it?
  4. Which activities drain you physically? Can you get domestic help to do it?
  5. Which activities drain you mentally? Is there anyway you can share those activities?
  6. Which activities can be pre-planned? Like, can you batch cook? Or can you plan your social commitments?
  7. Are there any activities that can be done while they are still manageable? For e.g., laundry. I find doing laundry more regularly actually makes it manageable and less effort consuming.
  8. Which are the activities that you can automate? For e.g., setting a direct debit for your regular bills, having a dishwasher, or having a multicooker.
  9. Which are the activities that you can do away with sometimes? Like, for me, it is ok if my house is messy, it must be clean though. But I can be at peace if there are toys lying around that are not in my way. Identify such activities and learn to give them a pass sometimes.

Basically, try to minimise and plan the activities in quadrant 1 to 3. This will allow you to have more time on your hands to focus on the activities in quadrant 4. The more you do it, the more organised you will become. The more organised you are, the more time you will have to pursue your Ikigai!

Yes, all of us get 24 hours and working towards your Ikigai for a few of those hours/minutes- makes this world a better place for you!

Written by: Chahna D

Edited by: Milauni T

Dive into the unknown

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says..

Have you knowingly or unknowingly dived into the ‘unknown’ zone? How recently did you have a new experience outside your comfort zone? Well, an opportunity to dive into the unknown often comes to you suddenly and then it depends what choices you make. Something like that happened to me recently, albeit it was not the first time.

Last week, my friend and I booked a wellness retreat with Isvara Wellbeing for a day. We both were so excited. Going away for the whole day, not for work but for ourselves! The thought itself was so soothing for both of us- young mothers.

A cloud-ridden morning of the D-day rose, and my friend texted me that she couldn’t make it for unavoidable reasons. Ouch! That hurt. My heart is with her but if I am being honest, this turn of events was a little disheartening.  I was looking forward to that long drive chit-chatting with her. But heigh ho!

Now, I was left with a choice. And my heart went with the road less taken. However, the chaos in my mind had not settled until thirty minutes into the drive.  Usually, when I am thrown into the unknown it is often that I’d be on my own, which is still my comfort zone. But this time, I was going to be with a new group of people. Now, that’s awkward for me – unknown social interaction with no familiar person except the instructor.

Anyway, my play list helped and after about 30 mins into the drive, a thought struck me. That, hey this is usual for me, always put into new situations. Situations that make me uncomfortable, but I reach the finish line successfully. And that rush of excitement after incredible experience is what gives me the thrill.

Meeting new people, making new friends- became the light at the end of my tunnel. I became ready to push my boundaries without having a comfort zone (my friend) to fall back into. With this thought, the rest of the drive was transformed into a self-exploring one.

My Exhilarating Ride

Soon, I entered the New Forest area after taking the exit from M27 on to A31. And behold! I felt like I had passed through The Ring* and entered a new world.  New unseen landscapes, dense trees, and a cloudy, rainy morning that it felt like dusk. For about few miles, there were fields on both sides of the road with the boundaries not too far. Horses were grazing and I was the only one on the road at the time. Ever felt like you are on an alien planet, all alone, no clue where you are headed except those distorted instructions from Google Maps? It felt like a scene straight from a sci-fi thriller! (Yeah, I watch and read a lot of them).

By the time I arrived at the location, I was in a whole new place in my head. Completely primed for a new experience. All the people in the group had come in pairs – 2 pairs of best friends, a couple, and a mother-daughter duo. Heck, even the instructor had come with her husband. I was the only one by myself. But nothing could dishearten me now. How amazing it is, that with just one thought you can switch the emotions you feel. Like the spiritual guides say, what we feel is in our hands. Indeed!

So, it began.

The workshop

It started with all of us introducing ourselves and sharing how the past few months have been for us. Why we are here and what we are hoping to get out of the workshop. We started with a quick round of guided meditation, that calmed me down even further. I was a bit worried about my daughter and my husband who were left alone with each other for such a long time for the first time. By the end of the meditation, I could put that worry away.

Later, we were asked to get a drink and pair up with someone unknown to talk about the challenges of the past year. However, we ended up talking in a group about general things like how our lives have changed, how technology has made us their slaves instead of augmenting our lives.

The exact sequence of the events is a bit blur because I was so relaxed that my mind absorbed itself into the experience rather than remembering everything that happened. I will try to share what I felt throughout the day in various activities instead of focussing on the events.

When we did some Tai Chi, initially it felt like a regular exercise. We were holding an imaginary ball and moving it in various directions. The instructor then said, imagine a ball of energy. Whoa! That changed my perception. I imagined a ball of energy between my hands and within seconds I could feel it. I was in the flow and I could let go.

We lied down again and performed some meditation. This time I dozed off. We were provided with bean bags (if needed) which amplified the relaxing so much for me. After a snack break, we performed walking meditation.

Walking meditation is mindful, slow walking focussing on lifting (of foot), placing (of foot), and shifting the weight. When I was out there on the grass, barefoot, I tried to follow the instructions, and I noticed that shifting of weight and lifting the other foot are a simultaneous activity. I could not separate them. Secondly, as soon as we were asked to move, I saw a tree stump and headed towards it. My entire concentration was on reaching the stump. Halfway through, I realised that why am I so focused on getting to the stump, why can’t I be? Why can’t I be in the moment, here? This question led to a trail of thoughts.

Aren’t we all always focussed on getting somewhere? Get to work, get to shopping, get to dinner, etc. Also, focused on getting to intangible destinations – get to higher position, get to better home, get to better salary, etc. Why can we not pause and appreciate?

With this thought, I let go of the tree stump. I changed my direction abruptly, looked at a whole new scene. Paused. Took in the surroundings, birds chirping, trees swaying and felt the breeze in my hair and the soft grass below my feet- the most random things that go unnoticed made me feel one again.  

After another round of some meditation, we broke for lunch. I made new friends, talked about life, perspectives, and some general banter. When we got back, we were asked to write down about the positives from the past few months and about what we want to do in the coming months.

The last hour was utilised in doing deep relaxation followed by sound bath. The experience is inexplicable. When I woke up, it felt like I was really waking up after shedding off the weight.

The final part of the retreat was a walk in the forest. The Bolderwood Deer Sanctuary is a part of the very dense New Forest with extremely tall trees and beautiful flora and fauna.

The enchanting stillness of the forest made us feel all so alive in the end.

*The Ring is the reference from a fictional series based on interstellar explorations, Expanse.

Written by: Chahna D

Edited by: Milauni T

Angelic Motherhood against the Halo of Guilt

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says..

Motherhood is not a word that can be defined; it is rather a whole whirlpool of emotions that can only be lived. It is the most rewarding job in the world, yet it is a job that takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, and physically!

I have been talking to some friends who have recently embraced motherhood and also, I am a part of mom groups on social media where I hear what women go through once they become mothers and I am one of them. The common denominator for most of the conversations is ridden with a pang of guilt. And the feeling is so strongly fabricated in all of us without actual realization.

When I put my girl in nursery and enjoy cup of tea before starting work, I feel guilty even to admit to myself that I am enjoying those 5 minutes of peaceful tea. Or if after dropping her, I enjoy some music while driving to work, I feel guilty, because she was crying when I left her. If ever I ask my husband to look after her, it would be so that I can do some chores, not to rest or pursue a hobby.

While scrolling my Instagram feed tonight as my babe sleeps, I came across this post that described how a mother loses her hobby, doesn’t know who she is, doesn’t dress up- loses herself in the process. The words hit home.

Believe me when I say that I have been there. Lockdown, no childcare, work commitments, household chores, I couldn’t wash my hair for 2 days after having to want to wash them! The list is endless.

WHY??

I know it’s hormonal for mothers but it’s not the same with fathers. Why do we feel guilty for asking the father to look after the baby for a few hours- while we go ‘work-out’ in the gym, while we rest or while we read a book? The most common validation is that our standards of comparison or judgements are infallible. Yeah, our mothers have done it for us – that’s our argument to ourselves. But do we look where did that got them?

I know my mother wouldn’t go anywhere out just for herself and has always felt guilty for earning a living. It was I who pushed her to explore herself after I started understanding her as a woman. But now, when I am a mother, I am unknowingly doing the same. And many new mothers around me are also caught in this vicious circle.

Gals, we deserve a break. Don’t we get 25 annual leaves (UK standard) every year from work. Motherhood job is far more challenging one. Yes, it is a ‘job’ and a tough one at that- it’s a place where you are performing consistently and where you cannot fail.

The problem is we don’t want to stop feeling guilty, so we cling to our babies, we end up over-pampering them, we lose ourselves in the process, we lose any self-worth and we burst out on our husbands impacting that relationship. Moreover, when we get a chance, we shout about feminism.
But what is feminism? What is motherhood? Why does motherhood have to be judged by the amount of sacrifices a mother did?

Let’s create a new image of motherhood. Let’s not feel ashamed of taking help from partners or caretakers. Let’s be a mother, who is loving, who does everything- all sacrifices to raise a child but without feeling guilty of taking little breaks. One who manages her child’s care, gets help to run the house, manages her ambitions, devotes time to child and husband. And above all, devotes time to herself, looks after herself, dresses up, does her hair, puts on face masks and enjoys a book while sipping her tea.

All of this without wearing the hoodie of guilt. All of this without feeling guilty. Let’s take pride in being ourselves first. Let’s raise our boys and girls who know of a world where ‘self-care’ and ‘me-time’ is valued.

Let’s not just be a mother but be a woman- who is a mother, a wife and a girl with dreams.

Written by: Chahna D

Edited by: Milauni T

When Nature Kisses You Valentine’s Day!

by himalayaswithin, posted in Chahna says.., Explore

Nothing out of the ordinary was planned for this day and we wanted to keep it simple. I had been using my husband’s car this week as my car had a problem with its particulate filter and needed fixing. Night before the D-day, husband’s car had a flat tyre and I wasn’t prepared to work from home. Oops! Will have to take the train and walk 20 mins to get to the station.

Who would have thought this will inspire me to write about it!!!!

Woke up early to arrive at work comfortably. Weather app showed -1 and windows had a foggy view. I needed some motivation so prepared myself a nice cup of Indian chai with ginger root and spices. Having savoured the chai and having wrapped myself warm, I sat on the journey to the station. It had been a while I walked to station for work, thanks to the dear husband who always would drive me.

I had no idea what was coming my way. The 90’s songs in my ears and the cool breeze on my cheeks suddenly changed my outlook for the morning. I started enjoying, embracing and getting absorbed in the traniquility Nature had to offer. I had a srping in my feet by the time I was half-way.

It was then I had the epiphany that this was Nature kissing me Valentine’s Day!